I had one of the scariest nights of my life last night. I had a series of nightmare and the last one didn’t feel all like a dream. I haven’t felt this scared for the longest time.
It had been a long day yesterday. I spent all day trying to file taxes. But didn’t manage to finish. Around 9 or 10 o’clock I tugged myself in bed and finished the documentary film about dreams. Then I browsed for more movies - looking to find the next movie we’d watch when Ben and I get together the next time. Slowly and surely, I fell asleep 11 pm ish.
I drifted home, back to Chemor. That small little town that no one knows of. It’s becoming very old and deserted. Paints are peeling off those old walls of buildings. I vividly saw the junction, the curve just before the bridge crossing the Chemor river. I saw the photo printing shop and the old couple who run it. They look even older than the last time I saw them. Especially the guy. His skin is flaky and falling off. Eyes are like popping out. Looking like a zombie, moving very slow like a zombie. But he’s not eating people or anything. Ben was with me, I was showing him my hometown.
The rest, I don’t remember too clearly. I was still in the town. But then the scary part… I was abducted and tied down to a bench. And Ben somehow was turning into a zombie. I was very scared. Screaming my lungs out for help. (Funny thing is I was screaming in English.) I was begging Ben, I was hoping he would understand me. I looked deep into his eyes while screaming, he seemed baffled. He picked up a peace of an ear, torn out of someone’s face, and took a small bite. And he was feeding me that bite. I was horrified beyond imaginations. I kept screaming, and kicking; he still looked baffled, and still trying to feed me that piece of ear flesh. I felt hopeless and tears were running down… Then I woke up.. in sweats and tears and screams….
From past experiences of having nightmares, I learned the best thing to do is to start fresh and make myself sleep fast again, so I don’t keep replaying the nightmare and ended keeping myself up all night. That’s what I tried to do after the first nightmare last night. Yet it didn’t go as well as I thought. Just about half way falling asleep again, I felt someone ran his/her fingers down my spine on my back. This time I jumped up wide awake. And can’t sleep anymore.
1:50 ish in the wee hours of the morning. Wide awake, scared and shocked, and in sweats. So I thought “this is ridiculous, I need to do something to get my mind off this”. So I grab my laptop that’s lying next to me (a very bad habit of mind, but it turns out to be the best thing in this situation) and typed an email to Ben. I thought he’d enjoy this and find it funny. I also thought I would chat with some Asian friends to relax. But as soon as I hit send the email, internet was down. I managed to just send “are you there” to a Malaysian friend. But didn’t get a respond in time. In my head I said “oh fuck.. I forgot the bill? I thought I paid it…” Or was it that someone who’s trying to shutdown my communication channels? My phone is outside, and how can I get it? I need water and restroom…
All these thoughts made the night even spookier. Me being in the bedroom, dark, all by myself. I was now horrified. Dare not look into the closet, dare not turn my back. Felt the urge of going to the restroom and want to get my phone but I dare not move..
Finally I decided I can’t go all night like this. I dashed to the light switch and turn on the light in the bedroom. Opened a crack on the bedroom door and called Este and Elmo. It took forever for them to come to me, but they eventually did. Those two cats became my bodyguards. I grabbed them one in each arm, dashed to the kitchen and had some water, snatched the phone from my work desk, used the restroom and ran back in the room. As I was going through the different rooms, I turned all the lights on.
Back in bed, I played with my phone, and managed to calm myself down and fell asleep. I woke up around 6 and was so happy and relieved to see sunlight through my window. I went back to rest my eyes for another hour or so.
I am sure the first part of the nightmare was just a dream. But I am not sure of the second part. I am really suspicious that it could be someone I knew and passed away in the past, who came to say hi, or to scare me. It might be also due to all the paranormal tv shows/movies Ben and I watched in the last couple months. It might also be my mom’s dad, grandpa since I talked bad about him a couple days ago. It could also be my grandma trying to comfort me knowing i am having hard times. I am hoping it was my grandma or grandpa. I wish I would have thought of that last night, I would have been very happy to see and connect with them instead of being horrified.
Ben called today. I told him all that. And he taught me some tricks to chase evil spirits away. But if it was my grandpa or grandma, I wouldn’t want them to go. I want them to stay with me. I want them to talk to me.
I am not sure if I will be able to sleep tonight and how horrified I will be. I might need Ben to come keep me company. But I am worried then the spirits will leave. What to do?
Its Impossible. Said Pride.
Its risky. Said Experience.
Its pointless. Says Reason.
Give it a try. Whispered the Heart.
海王星在2012年，掌管天蠍座真愛宮，2011年底，海王星就恢復了順行，並在來年6月之前都一直狀態良好。天蠍處於非常強勁的時期，尋愛能力變得更強。而同時，火星在2012年的7月份之前，都遷入處女，使天蠍座的芬芳醉人的社交風就開始揚起。與人交結將使天蠍們生活的每一個部分都得以改善，不管是情場、錢場還是職場都可能從中收益。如此好的運勢，真是別人求也求不來的，可是是什麼原因，竟然讓別人羡慕嫉妒恨的天蠍，會覺得在得到許多之後，覺得有些失落？這大概是因為，天蠍還是傾向孤獨的苦逼的星座吧，雖然桃花是如東流之水滾滾而來，但是並不代表著某些人的出現就是自己的本命，更有可能是相識相愛一場，卻並不屬於自己的遺憾。這樣的情況，不失落才怪！
I need LOVE… Lots and LOTS OF LOVE, and ALL KINDS OF LOVE. I will take all the LOVE I get and manufacture them, multiply them and then give them away…. for free, for LOVE IS FREE.
Can you tell me where I could find some RAW LOVE?
when I think of you running fast
when I imagine you swimming among a school of fish
when I picture you holding our baby who has ivory skin
walking in pitch black darkness with not one trace of light
putting together a 2000 piece jigsaw puzzle of Starry Night by Vincent van Gogh
holding the amber coal one minute and ice cube another
ice-skating on thin ice
